Beau Rosser

You know when some women get that maternal itch?

Every so often, I get this rush of emotion where I just want to be a father, and I want to have a girlfriend or wife that’s not just there to have sex with me, but’s also there to be a devoted companion. Someone I’d step in front of a car for - someone that would want to raise a child with me. It’s weird when this emotion hits, especially while I’m in one of the world’s most debauchery-driven cities. As much as I like hanging out alone, I yearn for that partnership, that lustful/love conglomerate. So yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. At this very moment.

I had this “Would love to be a father” moment a few weeks ago too. I was watching a little boy tell a fake Santa what he wanted for Christmas. I knew the boy was at the age where he didn’t believe in Santa, but that joy on his face was still there. That maybe-this-guy-really-does-exist joy that’s seemingly infrequent in kids of that age. His glossy eyes were wide and full of life. It took everything in me to not completely well up like a tard.

In my head, I wanted to be a Dad. It didn’t matter if it was a boy or girl, I just wanted a child. Honestly, I don’t know of any other men that this has happened to. Or if it has, they’re just too “tough” to say it publicly. But that need to create life, that want to teach your young, it was there.

That boy was so innocent and the “what-ifs” were across the table, smiling so close yet so far away.

So yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. At this very moment. That, and Vegas - a town that was built for the sole purpose of entertaining 50 year old men and women with too much money. 

And here I am, standing out like a ink stain on a white dress, or rather an octopus wearing a bowler hat trying to sell balloons to fancy pants. 

That’s where I’m at. Right now.